This goes past class barriers. This is for the young BW in the hood with the single mom, the kids her age standing on the corner selling drugs/sex and committing violent acts. This is for the middle-class BW who hangs out at the mall on the weekends and goes to an integrated yet segregated at the same time suburban high school. And this is for the upper-class BW who is a member of Jack and Jill and who’s looking forward to finally being presented at the sorority cotillion.

TV, Music, the magazines all shout that you aren’t good enough, especially if your skin is too dark and your hair is too kinky. Many of the black boys you’ve been around openly date/admire white girls, latina girls, asian girls and the biracial girls. Many times, instead of being offered a date, a black guy may ask when can he come over. No talk about going out, just can he come over to have sex. Your friends are dealing with the same problems but everyone is blaming the non-black girls (oh, white girls are willing to do anything, she’s a h*/b***h). And some of your friends who are having sex with these black boys are called all kinds of hos and whores and treated like scum while the boys chase after the non-black girls. Then maybe your older sisters come home from college and they haven’t had a date either because most of the black men there have pretty much decided to only date non-black women.

And then there are the names you may be called: redbone, chinky eyed, nappy hair, black crispie. “Why is your hair so short?” “B***h, you ugly with that dark a** skin!” “Don’t nobody want yo black a** anyway?”

It’s like hell isn’t it?

And everyone is talking about how black women can make it better if we are nicer/get a better weave/being willing to be down for whatever.

Well… after going through many of these things, it’s not going to get better. People haven’t told you but many black boys and men can really careless about what happens to black women unless there is something that they can get from that black woman before they are done with you. I mean, how many times has a black boy only been interested in you if he can get sex/get homework help/get an alibi/get closer to your non-black friends/etc? He only sees you as someone that he can use. Unfortunately, the older you get, the worse it becomes.

But, it doesn’t have to become that way for you!

You have your life in front of you and you don’t have to get caught up in the madness. You may have already realized the okey-doke that is going on. This may be a shock for you. Starting Wednesday, I’ll be going through some ways to make sure that you have the best possible life, starting now at your young age.

KM

However, I’ve been keeping my eyes open to whats been going on in the world right now and for me, right now, I’ve realized its time to go back to what I was going to do back in Novemeber: focus on improving rather than talking about what’s wrong. There is so much wrong going on out there, it’ll bring you down if you focus on it too much. It’s time to focus on getting out/staying out/living well, not on what people who want to stay down in the muck and bring you down with them are doing. We are only responsible for ourselves, not for what anyone else is doing. When we die, we’ll have to bring to account our lives and our lives alone. Lets live as well as possible.

It’s easy to look at our lives, to look at the plight of BW and blame everyone else for what is going on. I know, I’m definitely guilty of that. To really expand and let go, we have to take stock of our own lives, of our OWN mistakes, shortcomings, triumphs. And we have to be completely honest with ourselves and be truly willing to deal with ourselves so that we can grow and let go.

This is going to be personal for me but I hope that you all can learn from me and we can all grow together.

No other men in the world has championed their penis like African-American Black Men. Latino men have the stereotype of being the “Latin lover,” but they aren’t tied into their penis like black men are. From your regular cookie cutter BW hating rap song to your R&B “lemme get yo panties, gurl” song to movies and books, BM are lauded for supposedly having the biggest penises on earth. Many times as a young BW, I’ve had random BM come up to me from when I was in high school through college to now, telling me how big their penis is and how good it’ll feel, etc. It was like their “big” penis was supposed to get them into my life and into my bed.

Fact: Most men are on average 5-7 inches long when erect. That includes BM. Most men who are 8+ inches long are above average.

This means more or less, stories about having a 13 inch monster penis are false. Yes, some men are growers (grow longer when erect) and some men are showers (same size flaccid and erect) but men on average aren’t huge.

Fact: The vagina is no more than 4-6 inches long when stimulated on average. Depth varies per woman. http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/2067.html

http://blogs.webmd.com/womens-health/2009/05/can-vagina-be-too-big.html

So those so called monster penises? Yes, the vagina can expand to accommodate a larger-sized penis but it can be painful. But then, given the average size of a penis, BM on average DON’T have a huge penis like they say.

Anyway, that’s just some very basic biology. BM are priding themselves in having a penis that is abnormal and has a more than 50% chance of being painful.

What exactly does BM get from being famous for their penises? Non-BWs seem to flock to them because of those stories, enabling BM to enter IR relationships. BWs claim that it’s the reason why they won’t leave the “bruthas” for men of other races. It’s an ego boost for men who many times, can’t and won’t compete with non-BM on their level with normal things. Non-BM compete on familial wealth (how old/new is your money? what did you do to gain your money so I can take that information and make more money than you), jobs (working for that promotion), wives (my wife is prettier/smarter/classier/more accomplished than yours), families (my children are here, there, everywhere). It can be friendly, it can be fierce but it enables the men to have something to keep striving for. I’ve been around non-BM of every race from the different social classes and from the poorer to the wealthier, most of them were competing to move ahead and/or stay ahead.

Black men try to enter this race by saying they have bigger penises than men of other races. This shows how deranged and juvenile the BC is because while other cultures and races compete over things that ultimately BUILD their race/culture, penis size drags down the culture. American culture is sex-obsessed and the BC is in many ways more sex-obsessed than the general culture. Not excusing rock and other kinds of music but rap and r&b are basically preoccupied with ways of characterizing sex and the BM penis as vulgarly as possible. Then add in the hood novels and it gives the general culture the rightful view that the BC is focused only on sex, mainly the BM’s penis.

Then on the other hand, penis size isn’t everything. Good sex is more than just having a man thrust into you with his penis, it has to do with good foreplay, understanding between the two of you of what turns you on, etc. Many BM I’ve found in RL and online believe that the be all end all is their penis and screwing you as soon as they could. Foreplay was the means to an end (true for all men), something to be rushed through so they could start sticking you as soon as possible. Then, if you didn’t get satisfaction, it was your fault.

It’s sad that BM have so much tied up in being perceived as having a huge penis. Because, in the end, your penis can be big but that doesn’t make you a man. And many BM know that they fail the common tests of being a man and this is their way of evading reality. Sooner or later though, reality shows up and its not pretty.

I don’t watch BET. I refuse to watch Black Embarrassing Television (I may make that a post later). However, with the internet, people talk about the shows on there repeatedly. You don’t even have to visit the black media-oriented blogs to hear about it (I’ve heard about the shows on a couple IR fic themed messageboards). One show in particular is about Toya & Tiny.

Toya is Antonia Carter, ex-wife of STD riddled Lil Wayne. Tiny is the wifey of TI. I’m not defending either of them with this post but I’m making a comparison.

Toya’s the ex-wife of Lil Wayne. They were legally married and are now legally divorced. They have a 10 year old daughter, born while they were teens. She still uses Lil Wayne’s last name and I believe she receives child support and alimony.

Tiny is the wifey/baby momma of TI. She gave birth to two of his sons, lives with him in one of his homes. Yes, she made her own money as a member of Xscape but TI is worth more now than he was when they first got together.

From what I know of their show, both don’t look that good but Toya Carter, even as an ex-wife, is in a better spot than Tiny. Her daughter, even though born before marriage, was legitimized by her parents’ marriage. There’s no doubt who her parents are. Even though Lil Wayne, after his divorce, is busy making lots of lil illegitimate children, she’s the prized one out of his children. Something can happen to Lil Wayne but Reginae, since her mother was married to Lil Wayne, will have an easier time gaining an inheritance than her half-siblings. Toya’s alimony would be affected but her child would pretty much be set.

TI has talked about Tiny as his number one but he’s never even publically talked about marrying her. He’s in jail but he didn’t even marry her before that. They have two children but if something happens to TI and he dies, Tiny has to go to court to prove that her children are his before she can even fight for part of his estate. Given that he has at least 6+ kids, that’ll be a dirty fight. If TI was to become incapacitated, Tiny wouldn’t be able to do anything because as “wifey,” she has none of the legal rights of a wife in those matters.

Lil Wayne and TI are both DBRs in my opinion and my opinions aren’t high for either Toya or Tiny. But Toya was married to Lil Wayne and her daughter’s future is secure. Tiny and her children’s are precarious because if something happens, they are in the cold.

Never let yourself just become the “wifey” instead of a wife. If a man really values you as a wife, he’ll marry you. If he thinks you’re a “wifey,” you’re just playing wife until he finds another woman to make his wife or to play wifey in your place.

Mitrice Richardson is a BW that is missing in the LA area. She was released from jail early in the morning on 9/17/09 and is still missing. If you live in that area/know someone in that area, please let them know!

http://www.lasentinel.net/The-Disappearance-of-Mitrice-Richardson.html

http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local-beat/Dad-Believes-Missing-Woman-is-Being-Help-Against-Her-Will-60075097.html

I would think that most women, except lesbians, desire to be married and to have children. When we were girls and we played house, someone was always the Mommy and someone always played Daddy. Even as children, we knew the natural course of things. As we aged, things got skewed and lost our way. We got bamboozled and jedi mind tricked into believing some real wicked propaganda.

Music is one of the best ways to spread propaganda. Hitler used music as one of the ways to spread his view of the Third Reich and in the end, we got WWII and the Holocaust. Music was used in Rwanda during the ethnic cleansing. In the 1960s, with the sexual revolution, civil rights movement, emergence of drugs, etc., the music reflected the goals of the change (the Beatles and “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,” Jefferson Airplane, “Someone to Love,” James Brown, Marvin Gaye.)

There is a war to break BW down and to make them believe that they only deserve whatever a BM can give them. The biggest instrument right now in this war is rap music. The bass is infectious and it just drives the words the rapper speaks into your mind and your subconscious (b***h, ho, n***a, etc.) and the lyrics are crafted in a way that even the most horrible rapper can punctuate what he wants you to hear and the phrases will stick in your mind. Every time a rapper says wifey, its usually in a sing-song way that demeans women and it sticks in your brain. Yet, it’s not as demeaning when you first hear it as some of the other words/scenarios used to refer to women.

Given how the rest of the music slanders BW, the term can sound somewhat pleasant and not bad. Now, you’re caught.

Welcome to my small place in cyberspace! I had been thinking of having a blog for over a year now, but after Khadija decided to close shop with her blog, I figured that it is time for me to open mine.

This is a blog dedicated towards empowering black women. Time is running short, the black community is pretty much all but dead and as the economy worsens, its going to become more of a case of everyone for themselves. We CANNOT afford to keep doing the same old thing: focus and uplift the black man OVER ourselves. We, Black Women, can’t kill our minds, bodies, and souls to support people who do everything NOT to support us. This is why I’ve titled my blog “It’s time to gorw, expand, and let go!”

If you grew up in the late 90s-early 00s like I did, you know all about the word “Wifey.”

Wifey, according to rappers, is supposed to be down woman who held the rappers’ back when he was out grinding in the streets. Everything is cool for her so the rapper gives her anything she wants… except a ring. She was basically the wife in everything but the name but of course, he couldn’t marry her because he couldn’t mess around with any other women that might catch his eye if he married her. Plus, these rappers brag that “wifey” doesn’t care about the other women anyway.

Many black women have come to accept being “wifey.” Because of the many scare tactics “The DL men are taking over,” “There aren’t enough black men so get one if you can,” “Black men only want white/asian/latina/mixed women,” black women are being taken in by the okey-doke and settling for being the “wifey” only. Mind you, many times in these relationships, the wifey is no more than just one girlfriend, the man has many other “wifeys” as well.

What I’ve found so far in my short life is that any time you settle for something less than, you end up hurting yourself in the long run. The man doesn’t respect you, no matter how many of his kids you have. Other women don’t respect you, especially if you’ve been the “wifey” for 1+ years. And the law doesn’t respect you because if something happens, you have NO RIGHTS as being just the “wifey” instead of being a wife. And ultimately, odds are that he’ll move on and you’ll have nothing but an empty bag full of broken dreams and children born out of wedlock.